Why Postpartum Feels Like a Paradox: The Opposite Emotions You Might Face

Postpartum is weird. One minute, you're staring at your baby, completely in awe that you created this tiny human. The next, you're crying in the shower because you just want five minutes alone—but also feeling guilty for wanting space. You might feel deep gratitude for this new chapter while also grieving the version of yourself who didn’t have to plan her whole day around feeding schedules and contact naps.

It’s confusing. It’s exhausting. And if you’ve ever thought, How can I feel two completely opposite things at once?—you’re not alone.

Why Do Opposite Emotions Show Up in Postpartum?

Postpartum is a time of massive change—physically, emotionally, and mentally. Your hormones are in freefall, your body is healing from birth, and you’re adjusting to a completely new identity. Throw in sleep deprivation and the pressure to “enjoy every moment,” and it’s no wonder emotions feel all over the place.

But here’s the thing: Feeling conflicting emotions doesn’t mean something is wrong. And it doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or that you love your baby any less. In fact, the more you allow yourself to feel both sides of the experience, the easier it is to move through it.

So let’s talk about some of the most common emotional paradoxes you might face in postpartum.

1. Love and Resentment

You love your baby more than anything. But also… you resent how much your life has changed.

No one tells you that it’s possible to feel both at the same time. The love is deep, primal, overwhelming in the best way. But the exhaustion? The loss of independence? The way every second of your day revolves around keeping this tiny person alive? It can be a LOT. And sometimes, that builds into resentment—especially when you’re the default parent, or when your partner gets to sleep uninterrupted while you’re up for the third time that night.

What might help: Remind yourself that resentment doesn’t cancel out love. It’s a signal that you need more support, rest, or space for yourself. If possible, communicate what you need—whether that’s your partner taking a night shift, someone bringing you a meal, or simply five minutes to drink coffee while it’s still hot.

2. Joy and Grief

Having a baby is one of life’s biggest joys. But there’s also a quiet grief that can show up—grief for your old life, your old body, or the simplicity of doing things without planning around nap schedules.

No one prepares you for the identity shift that happens in postpartum. You’re still you, but everything feels different. Things you used to do without thinking—like running to Target alone or staying out late with friends—suddenly feel like a logistical nightmare. And even though you wouldn’t trade your baby for anything, it’s okay to miss the freedom you once had.

What might help: Let yourself grieve. Holding space for those feelings doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful—it means you’re human. Finding small ways to reconnect with the you outside of motherhood (even if it’s just listening to a podcast you love or stepping outside for fresh air) can also help.

3. Confidence and Self-Doubt

One day, you feel like you’ve got this whole mom thing down. The next, you're convinced you’re doing everything wrong. There’s so much pressure to “do it right” in motherhood. Everyone has an opinion—sleep schedules, feeding choices, screen time, developmental milestones. And in the age of social media, it’s easy to feel like every other mom has it figured out while you’re second-guessing everything.

What might help: Trust yourself. You know your baby better than anyone, and you’re doing better than you think. When self-doubt creeps in, remind yourself that there’s no one “right” way to mother—only the way that works best for you and your baby.

4. Gratitude and Overwhelm

You’re grateful for your baby. You know how lucky you are. And yet, some days feel impossibly hard. This is especially true when you’re deep in the newborn stage. The sleep deprivation, the constant feeding, the mental load of remembering every little thing—it’s all so much. And then there’s the guilt: I should just be grateful. Some people would love to be in my position.

But here’s the truth: You can be grateful and still struggle. Gratitude doesn’t erase exhaustion. It doesn’t mean you have to love every second.

What might help: Drop the guilt. It’s okay to say, “This is really hard,” without apologizing for it. Finding little pockets of rest and asking for help (even when it’s hard) can make a huge difference.

5. Desire for Connection and Need for Space

You crave connection with others. But also? You don’t want to be touched, talked to, or needed for one more second. This one is especially common if you’re a highly sensitive person or if you’re constantly in “on” mode as the primary caregiver. Some days, you want to text a friend back or schedule a coffee date—but the thought of adding one more thing to your plate feels overwhelming.

What might help: Know that it’s okay to set boundaries. Motherhood is overstimulating, and your nervous system might need time to recalibrate. When you’re feeling maxed out, start small—maybe a voice memo instead of a call, or a short walk outside to reset.

6. Wanting Time to Speed Up and Slow Down

You’re desperate for things to get easier. But also? You know you’ll miss this stage when it’s gone.

It’s wild how time in motherhood works. The nights feel never-ending, but the months fly by. One day, you’re in the trenches of the newborn phase, wondering if you’ll ever sleep again. The next, you realize your baby isn’t so little anymore, and you’d do anything to freeze time.

What might help: Instead of feeling pressured to “enjoy every moment,” focus on small, meaningful ones. The way your baby’s hand curls around your finger. The sleepy snuggles after a feeding. The little giggles that make everything worth it. Those moments add up, even on the hard days.

So, What’s the Takeaway?

Postpartum is a paradox. It’s beautiful and brutal. It’s full of love and loss, joy and struggle, confidence and doubt—all at the same time.

If you’re feeling all the things, know that it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you’re human.

So be gentle with yourself. Ask for help when you need it. And remember—you don’t have to love every moment to be a great mom.

We're all in it together,

Blaire

**Are you on Instagram? Follow along for all things postpartum support! www.instagram.com/blairemeliuscounseling

**Disclaimer: This post is not a substitute for medical advice from a licensed mental health professional. If you are having thoughts of self-harm or harm to others, please contact 911, 988 or go to your nearest emergency room.