Becoming a mom is often painted as this magical, blissful experience, right? But for some, it’s not all rainbows and baby snuggles. Postpartum anxiety is real, and it can make even the most joyful moments feel overwhelming and terrifying. If you have a friend who’s a new mom and seems a bit off or like they're struggling, there’s a chance they’re dealing with postpartum anxiety. It’s not always obvious, but there are some clear ways you can help them. And the best part? You don’t have to have all the answers—you just need to be there, in whatever way feels right for them.
Recognize the Signs of Postpartum Anxiety
Let’s be real: there’s no handbook that tells you exactly what postpartum anxiety looks like. It can be a little sneaky, so it’s easy to miss. But once you start recognizing the signs, it’s a lot easier to be there for your friend in a way that actually helps.
Some Common Signs Include:
Constant worry: We all worry about our babies, but this is different. Your friend might obsess over every little thing, from how their baby’s sleeping to whether they’re feeding them “right.”
Physical symptoms: Anxiety isn’t just a mental game—it can also show up physically. You might notice they seem exhausted, have trouble sleeping, or appear jittery or tense.
Hypervigilance: They may be constantly checking on their baby or obsessing over tiny details, like making sure the baby is breathing or if their room temperature is just perfect.
Avoidance: They might skip social events, avoid going out, or even avoid doing things they normally love because they’re too overwhelmed or afraid something bad might happen.
Reassurance seeking: You’ll hear them constantly asking if they’re doing things “right” or if their baby is okay. It’s like they’re looking for validation constantly.
If you notice a few of these signs, your friend might be dealing with more than just typical new-mom nerves. Postpartum anxiety is real, and it deserves attention.
What to Avoid Saying (Even If You Mean Well)
We’ve all been there—trying to help but not quite hitting the mark. The truth is, some well-meaning comments can unintentionally make things worse.
What NOT to Say:
“It’s just part of being a mom. We all go through it." This minimizes what they’re feeling and can make them feel like they’re not allowed to struggle.
“You’ll be fine. It’ll pass soon.” It might not pass soon, and that can make them feel like their feelings aren’t valid.
“Other moms have it worse.” Comparing them to someone else only makes them feel worse, even if you think you’re being supportive.
“Just relax. You’re doing great.” Relaxing isn’t always as easy as it sounds, especially when your brain is racing nonstop.
Instead, focus on offering empathy and understanding. You don’t have to have all the answers—sometimes just letting them know it’s okay to feel this way is all they need to hear.
What TO Say to Your Friend
While the “what not to say” list is important, let’s talk about what you can say that actually makes a difference. When your friend is in the middle of postpartum anxiety, they need validation, not solutions.
Supportive Phrases to Try:
“I can only imagine how tough this must be for you. But I’m here, and I’ve got your back.”
“You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough.”
“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You’re not alone in this, I’m here.”
By offering these kinds of affirmations, you’re letting your friend know that they don’t have to go through this alone—and that their feelings are valid.
Help in Tangible Ways
It’s easy to say “let me know if you need anything,” but the truth is, they might not ask. Sometimes, they don’t even know what they need. That’s where you come in. Offering specific help can make all the difference.
Practical Ways You Can Help:
Bring over a meal:
Every new mom needs a little extra help with meals. Organize a meal train, or just bring over a hot meal (bonus points for something they can easily reheat).
Don’t forget to check if they have any food allergies or preferences, though!
Offer to run errands:
Grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, or even dropping off diapers can help your friend avoid feeling overwhelmed with to-do lists.
If you’re heading to Target, ask if they need anything!
Give them a break (even if it’s just for a few minutes):
You’d be surprised how much a 30-minute break can do for a new mom’s mental health. Offer to watch the baby while they take a nap or just shower without the guilt of leaving the baby alone.
If they don’t want to be apart from the baby, maybe just offer to sit with them while they feed or play with the baby.
Household chores:
Help with laundry, dishes, or just general tidying up. Sometimes, a clutter-free environment is a huge mood booster.
Just hang out:
Invite them to do something low-key, like a walk in the park or watching a movie at home. But don’t push if they’re not in the mood. It’s more about offering companionship and being there.
By offering specific help, you’re giving your friend the space to take a mental break without worrying about asking.
Gently Encourage Professional Support
As much as you want to help, there’s only so much you can do. Postpartum anxiety often needs more than just the support of a friend—it might require professional help.
How to Bring Up Therapy or Support Groups:
Be gentle: Avoid saying things like “You really should talk to someone.” Instead, frame it as a potential option to feel better.
Normalize it: Let them know that therapy or support groups are common and that many new moms go through similar experiences.
Offer resources: If they’re open to it, offer to help them find a therapist or a local support group.
Give Yourself Grace, Too
Supporting a friend through postpartum anxiety isn't always easy. You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells or constantly second-guessing yourself. Here’s the thing: You’re not expected to have all the answers or to “fix” them. Sometimes, just being there and showing up consistently is the best thing you can do.
It’s also important to take care of yourself. Don’t burn out by giving too much—set boundaries, and know that it’s okay to say no when you need to. Your well-being matters too.
Celebrate the Small Wins
Recovery from postpartum anxiety is rarely a straight line. There will be ups and downs. That’s why celebrating even the smallest wins is so important.
If your friend makes it through a tough day or gets out of the house for the first time in a week, let them know you’re proud of them. They might not feel like a superhero, but your encouragement can make all the difference in their journey.
Final Words
Supporting a friend with postpartum anxiety doesn’t require grand gestures—it’s all about being there, validating their feelings, and helping out in practical ways. It’s a tough journey, but with your support, your friend can start feeling like themselves again. Just remember, you don’t have to have all the answers—you just need to be present and show up.
See you next time,
Blaire
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