Ending Maternity Leave: How to Cope with the Guilt and Anxiety As You Return to Work

You knew this day was coming, but somehow, it still doesn’t feel real. One minute, you’re rocking your baby in the middle of the night, soaking in every last moment of your leave. The next, you’re setting an alarm for the first time in months, laying out work clothes that suddenly feel foreign, and wondering how in the world you’re supposed to function at the office on broken sleep and mom brain.

Going back to work after maternity leave is a huge transition—physically, mentally, and emotionally. And the mix of emotions can be totally overwhelming. Maybe you’re excited to reclaim a piece of yourself. Maybe you’re devastated to leave your baby. Maybe you feel both at the exact same time. And then there’s the guilt. Ohhh, the guilt.

Why Does Ending Maternity Leave & Returning to Work Feel So Hard?

Because no matter how ready (or not) you feel, this is a MASSIVE shift. Here’s why it hits so hard:

• Your identity has changed. Motherhood changes you in ways you never expected, and stepping back into your old role at work might feel like you’re forcing a puzzle piece where it no longer fits.

• Your routine is completely different. Gone are the days of flexible schedules and contact naps. Now you’re juggling daycare drop-offs, potential pumping schedules, and the constant mental tally of what needs to be packed, washed, or prepped.

• The guilt is relentless. Whether you love your job or are only returning out of necessity, the ‘should I be doing this?’ guilt creeps in. Are you missing milestones? Will your baby be okay without you?

• The mental load has doubled. You’re still managing everything at home—only now, you’re also expected to function as if nothing has changed at work. Ever heard the quote "women are expected to work as if they don't have kids, and parent as if they don't work?"

  
  

If you’re in the thick of this transition and struggling, you’re NOT alone. Here’s how to navigate it with a little more ease (and a lot more self-compassion).

1. Normalize the Guilt (But Don’t Let It Run the Show)

Mom guilt has a way of making you feel like you’re failing no matter what you do. If you stay home, you feel guilty about not contributing financially. If you work, you feel guilty about being away from your baby. The truth? Guilt is often just a sign that you care deeply. But it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

Try reframing it: Instead of, “I feel guilty for leaving my baby,” remind yourself, “I’m showing my child what it looks like to pursue my goals while loving them deeply.”

Your baby doesn’t need a mom who’s home 24/7. They need a mom who’s cared for, fulfilled, and able to be present when she’s with them.

2. Create a Morning Routine That Works for You

Mornings with a baby are unpredictable (hello, blowouts right as you’re heading out the door), but having a loose routine can make things feel less chaotic.

Here are a few ways to set yourself up for smoother mornings:

• Prep the night before. Lay out clothes (for you and baby), pack the diaper bag, prep bottles, and set everything by the door.

• Give yourself buffer time. Assume everything will take 15 minutes longer than expected—it usually does.

• Build in connection time. Even five minutes of cuddles before you leave can make a difference for both of you.

• Let go of perfection. Some mornings will feel like a mess, and that’s okay. The goal is to get out the door, not win an award for the smoothest send-off.

  
  

3. Expect an Emotional Rollercoaster (And Plan for It)

You might cry on the way to work. You might feel relief when you get there. You might find yourself staring at baby pictures between meetings. All of this is normal.

To help manage the emotions, try:

• Scheduling check-ins. If possible, ask your childcare provider for a midday update or photo.

• Setting small, achievable goals. Focus on getting through the first day, then the first week. It gets easier with time.

• Giving yourself grace. You’re adjusting to a new normal. There’s no perfect way to do this.

  
  

4. Make Pumping (or Not Pumping) Work for You

If you’re pumping at work, it can feel like a job within a job.

• Advocate for yourself. Block off pumping times in your calendar and communicate your needs.

• Make it comfortable. Bring a cozy cardigan, a good show to watch, or something that makes it feel less like a chore.

• Give yourself permission to stop when it’s right for you. If breastfeeding or pumping becomes too stressful, formula is more than okay. A fed baby and a mentally well mom matter more than anything else.

  
  

5. Set Boundaries at Work (And Stick to Them)

It’s easy to slip into the mindset of proving yourself after maternity leave. But you don’t have to work twice as hard to make up for taking time off.

• Be realistic about your workload. You’re still adjusting. Don’t overcommit.

• Use your out-of-office when needed. If you need to leave at a certain time, make it clear.

• Say no when necessary. You don’t have to be available 24/7. Protect your time and energy.

  
  

6. Prioritize Connection When You’re Home

You don’t have to spend every waking moment making up for the hours you’re apart. Quality > quantity.

• Put your phone down. Even 15 minutes of undistracted time with your baby can help you feel more connected.

• Make bedtime special. Whether it’s reading, singing, or just snuggling, find a simple routine that brings comfort.

• Soak in the little moments. A smile at daycare pickup. Tiny hands reaching for you. These moments matter more than any guilt trying to convince you otherwise.

  
  

7. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Both Grief and Gratitude

It’s okay to miss your baby. It’s okay to enjoy being at work. It’s okay to feel both at the same time.

This transition isn’t about getting rid of one feeling or the other—it’s about making space for both. Because motherhood is full of contradictions, and somehow, we hold them all.

It Gets Easier (Really, It Does)

Right now, it might feel impossible. But soon, this new rhythm will start to feel more familiar. You’ll find your flow. The drop-offs won’t sting as much. The guilt will soften. And one day, you’ll look back and realize—you made it through.

You’re doing an incredible job. Your baby loves you. And you are enough, exactly as you are.

If you’re navigating the transition back to work and need extra support, follow along on Instagram @blairemeliuscounseling - you don't have to do this alone.

*Disclaimer: this post is not a substitute for medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. Please contact 911 or go to your nearest emergency room if you're having any thoughts of self-harm/harm to others.